Father Knows Best
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by Michael Shaughnessy

Sometimes the abandonment of authority happens subtly. Dad hardly noticed that he shared his authority with the script writers of CBS television by allowing his children to watch Father Knows Best. 

Soon they were watching All in the Family with its message that Dad, like Archie Bunker, clearly did not know best. Dad heard something idiotic and might have voiced his disagreement with the script, but the kids heard, "Parents aren't with it. Why even listen to them?" Television brought another authority into the house, shaping the children's world view, and dad and mom allowed it.

Farewell Norman Rockwell
Today's family might be captured in this scene from a recent episode of Modern Family. Mom is serving dinner to the family at table where each person is on a device. She says, "O.K. That's it! Everybody, gadgets down, now! Families are supposed to talk." The daughter says, "Mom's insane," and they all return to their screens. Cue the canned laughter. The lesson is clear – parents should not control the use of gadgets. 

A modern family of four may sit together in the living room, yet be in four different realities. Dad is watching sports on his computer, mom is checking her flickr photos on her iPad. Their daughter is sending her 197th text of the day on her phone and their son is playing Super Mario on his Xbox with a boy living in Hong Kong.

An iPad, smart-phone, television, mp3 player, Gameboy, or Kindle can hold the modern family captive in an odd sort of unity as each periodically interrupts the others with the latest, funniest, most awesome, or coolest picture, video, joke or news, before they all go back to what they were doing:
sucking giga bytes of digital data into their cozy family cocoon.

Sharing Your Shaping
Children's lives are now regularly being shaped, not by the parents, but by whoever is at the other end of their children's gadgets. In the modern world you probably can't get rid of all the gadgets, but it is still the parents' responsibility to "authorize" their use, knowing that they are giving away authority every time they buy a new gadget.

Parents should know the power they are giving into the hands of others before they give it. It is hard to take back.