I
pray that those who believe in God
and who read this confession, which
I, Patrick, an unlearned sinner have
written in Ireland, may recognize
that whatever I achieved or taught
that was pleasing to God, was done
so by the gift of God. This is my
confession before I die.
Rebellious youth,
captivity, and conversion
I am Patrick, a sinner, son of Calpurnius,
a deacon of the church at Bannavem
Taburniae [Roman Britain]. When I was a
rebellious 16 year old, I was taken
captive to Ireland along with many others.
I did not truly know God at the time. God,
however, took pity on my youthfulness and
ignorance, and he watched over me and
protected me, and consoled me as a father
would his son. He opened my mind to see
the futility of my unbelief and to remind
me of my sins, and he helped me to turn to
him with all of my heart.
God’s
chastisement in the land of captivity
helped me to recognize him. He gave me
so many graces and favors that I cannot
remain silent nor cease to exalt him and
confess his wonders before every nation
under heaven.
For I
do confess [as stated in the ancient
Christian Creed] that there is no other
God, but God the Father, and his Son
Jesus Christ, who always existed with
the Father and the Spirit. All things
visible and invisible were created by
him. Christ became a man and conquered
death for us. When he ascended to the
Father in heaven he received all power
over every name and creature in heaven,
on earth, and in hell, so that every
tongue should confess that Jesus Christ
is both Lord and God (Philippians
2:9-11). Christ will come again as judge
of the living and the dead. He has
abundantly poured out the gift of the
Holy Spirit upon all who believe in
Christ. The Spirit, who is the pledge of
our unending life with God, makes us
sons of God and co-heirs with Christ. We
worship one God who is a Trinity of
persons – Father, Son, and Holy
Spirit.
My ignorance and
youthful sins held me back
I had
thought of writing my testimony for some
time, but I hesitated until now, because
I feared the criticism of others, since
my upbringing was very simple and
rustic, and I was unlearned and did not
know the Scriptures like many others. I
acted foolishly in my youth and my life
was like a stone lying in a deep mire.
But why make excuses now in my old age
for my youthful ignorance and sins which
prevented me from choosing the path of
wisdom? And who will believe me, even
though I should say it again? As a young
man, almost a beardless boy, I was taken
captive before I knew what I should
desire and what I should shun. So, even
today I still feel ashamed to speak of
my ignorance and my lack of eloquence.
The
Lord had to humble me first through my
captivity to get his attention. Then in
his mercy he came and raised me up and
lifted me to the very top of a wall. And
from there I can only shout out in
gratitude to the Lord for his great
favors which he showed me without
measure.
Whether
you be great or small, learned or
simple, listen, and consider how God
summoned me, a fool and a wretch in this
world, to serve him with reverence,
faith, and humility. It was the love of
Christ that inspired me to give my life
in service to this people. So, after
many years of hardships and trials
during my captivity, the Lord granted
me, his unworthy and humble servant,
this great favor among the people here
in Ireland, something which I neither
hoped for nor imagined as a youth.
The Spirit was
burning within me
During
my captivity the Spirit was burning
within me. But after I reached Ireland,
my first job was to look after a flock
of sheep every day. While out in the
fields, I grew accustomed to pray many
times a day. More and more the love of
God, my respect for him, and my faith
increased. My daily prayer times
multiplied into the hundreds, and my
prayers in the night were also numerous.
Besides I used to stay out in the
forests and on the mountain and I would
wake up before daylight to pray in the
snow, in icy coldness, in rain. But
these conditions didn’t stop me nor make
me feel ill, because, as I now see, the
Spirit was burning within me at that
time.
And it
was there of course that one night in my
sleep I heard a voice saying to me: “You
do well to fast: soon you will depart
for your home country.” And again, a
very short time later, there was a voice
prophesying: “Behold, your ship is
ready.” And it was not close by, but, as
it happened, two hundred miles away,
where I had never been nor known any
person. And shortly thereafter I turned
about and fled from the man whom I had
been serving for six years, and I came,
by the power of God who directed my
route to advantage (and I was afraid of
nothing), until I reached that
ship.
And on
the same day that I arrived, the ship
was setting out from the place, and I
said that I had the wherewithal
to sail with them; and the steersman was
displeased and replied in anger,
sharply: “By no means attempt to go with
us.” Hearing this I left them to go to
the hut where I was staying, and on the
way I began to pray, and before the
prayer was finished I heard one of them
shouting loudly after me: “Come quickly
because the men are calling you.” And
immediately I went back to them and they
started to say to me: “Come, because we
are admitting you out of good faith;
make friendship with us in any way you
wish.”
(And
so, on that day, out of fear of God, I
resolved not to let these men influence
me, but nevertheless I had hopes that
they would come to faith in Jesus
Christ, because they were barbarians.)
And for this I continued with them, and
we put to sea speedily.
My two month journey
with barbarians
After
three days we reached land, and for
twenty-eight days journeyed through
uninhabited country, and the food ran
out, and hunger overtook them. One day
the steersman began saying, “Why is it,
Christian? You say your God is great and
all-powerful, then why can you not pray
for us? For we may perish of hunger. It
is unlikely indeed that we shall ever
see another human being.” In fact, I
said to them, confidently, “Be converted
and believe with all your heart in the
Lord who is God, because nothing is
impossible for him, so that today he
will send food for you on your road,
until you be sated, because everywhere
he abounds.”
With
God's help this came to pass. Behold, a
herd of swine appeared on the road
before our eyes, and they slew many of
them, and remained there for two nights,
and they were full of their meat and
well restored, for many of them had
fainted and would otherwise have been
left half dead by the wayside. And after
this they gave the utmost thanks to God,
and I was esteemed in their eyes, and
from that day they had food in
abundance. They discovered wild honey,
besides, and they offered a share to me,
and one of them said: “It is a
sacrifice.” Thanks be to God, I tasted
none of it.
Satan attacked me
violently
The
very same night while I was sleeping
Satan attacked me violently, as I will
remember as long as I shall be in this
body. There fell on top of me as it
were, a huge rock, and I was unable to
lift or move it. But for some odd reason
unknown to me, I began to call upon
Elijah. Meanwhile I saw the sun rising
in the sky, and while I was crying out
“Elijah, Elijah” with all my might, lo
and behold, the brilliance of that sun
fell upon me and immediately shook me
free of all the weight; and I believe
that I was aided by Christ my Lord, and
that his Spirit then was crying out for
me, and I hope that it will be so in the
day of my affliction, just as it says in
the Gospel: “In that hour,” the Lord
declares, “it is not you who speak but
the Spirit of your Father speaking in
you.”
On the
journey he provided us with food and
fire and dry weather every day, until on
the tenth day we came across some
people. As I mentioned above, we had
journeyed through an unpopulated country
for twenty-eight days, and in fact the
night that we came upon people we had no
food.
And a
second time, after many years, I was
taken captive. On the first night I was
with my captors, I heard a divine
prophecy, saying to me: “You shall be
with them for two months.” And so
it happened. On the sixtieth night the
Lord delivered me from their
hands.
Return to Britain
And
after a few years I was again in Britain
with my parents, and they welcomed me as
a son, and asked me, in faith, that
after the great tribulations I had
endured I should not go any where else
away from them. Of course, there, in a
vision of the night, I saw a man whose
name was Victor coming from Ireland with
innumerable letters, and he gave me one
of them, and I read the beginning of the
letter: “The Voice of the Irish,” and as
I was reading the beginning of the
letter I seemed at that moment to hear
the voices of those who were beside the
forest of Foclut which is near the
western sea, and they were crying as if
with one voice: “We beg you, holy youth,
that you come and walk again among us.”
I was stung intensely in my heart so
that I could read no more, and thus I
awoke. Thanks be to God, because after
so many years the Lord heard their
cry.
Another
night – God knows, I do not,
whether within me or beside me – I
heard many words which I could not
understand, except at the end of the
speech it was represented thus: “He who
gave his life for you, he it is who
speaks within you,” and thus I awoke,
joyful.
On a
second occasion I saw someone praying
within me, and I was, as it were, inside
my own body, and I heard him above me –
that is, above my inner self. He was
praying powerfully with sighs. As this
continued, I was astonished and pondered
who it could be who was praying within
me. But at the end of the prayer it was
revealed to me that it was the Holy
Spirit. So I awoke and remembered the
Apostle's words, “Likewise the Spirit
helps us in our weakness; for we do not
know how to pray as we ought, but the
Spirit himself intercedes for us with
sighs too deep for words” (Romans 8:26).
A living sacrifice for
Christ my Lord
Thus I
give untiring thanks to God who kept me
faithful in the day of my temptation, so
that today I may confidently offer my
life as a living sacrifice for Christ my
Lord. Who am I, Lord, that you should
give me so great a calling – to exalt
and magnify your name in whatever place
you put me, even if it be among
barbarians, or some affliction? Whatever
befalls me, be it good or bad, I will
accept it equally, and give thanks
always to God. I will put my trust in
him and dare to undertake so holy and so
wonderful a work, so that I might
imitate those who have gone before as
heralds of the Gospel to all peoples,
even to the ends of the earth. This
commission is being fulfilled even
today, as we witness the Gospel being
proclaimed in far away places such as
this land.
It is
tedious to describe in detail all my
labors one by one. I will tell briefly
how the most holy God frequently
delivered me from slavery, and from the
twelve trials with which my soul was
threatened, from man traps as well, and
from things I am not able to put into
words. I would not cause offense to
readers, but I have God as witness who
knew all things even before they
happened, that, though I was a poor
ignorant waif, still he gave me abundant
warnings through divine prophecy.
Whence
came to me such great wisdom which was
not my own, I who neither knew the
number of days nor had knowledge of God?
Whence came to me so great a gift of
knowing and loving God, even though I
should lose both my homeland and family?
It was not grace of my own, but grace
from God who gave me strength to preach
the Gospel to the people of Ireland, and
strength to suffer insult from
unbelievers, reproaches from others when
I went abroad, and many persecutions,
including being put in chains. I am
ready to spend my life and energy for
the benefit of others, and should I be
worthy, to even give up my life without
hesitation and most gladly for my Lord.
It is here among the people of Ireland
that I wish to spend my life until I
die, if the Lord grant me this grace.
A great harvest in
Ireland
I am very
much God’s debtor, because he gave me such
abundant grace that many people were
reborn in God through me, and afterwards
confirmed, and clergy were ordained for
them. The masses lately come to belief,
whom the Lord drew from the ends of the
earth, just as he once promised through
his prophets: “To you shall the nations
come from the ends of the earth, and shall
say, ‘Our fathers have inherited nothing
but lies, worthless things in which there
is no profit’” (Jeremiah 16:19). Again, “I
have set you to be a light for the
Gentiles that you may bring salvation to
the uttermost ends of the earth” (Acts
13:47). There I wish to wait for his
promise which will surely be fulfilled as
the Gospel states, “They shall come from
the east and the west, and shall sit down
with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob,” as we
believe the faithful will come from all
the world.
For
that reason one ought to fish well and
diligently, just as the Lord has taught,
saying, “Follow me, and I will make you
fishers of men,” and again through the
prophets: “Behold, I am sending forth
many fishers and hunters, says the Lord”
(Jeremiah 16:16). Christ compels us to
spread our nets, so that a vast
multitude who are hungry and ready might
be caught for God, and be baptized and
taught by the clergy, just as the Lord
says in the Gospel, “Go therefore and
make disciples of all nations, baptizing
them in the name of the Father and of
the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching
them to observe all that I have
commanded you; and lo, I am with you
always to the end of time” (Matthew
28:19).
Again
he says, “Go forth into the world and
preach the Gospel to all creation. He
who believes and is baptized shall be
saved; but he who does not believe shall
be condemned” (Mark 16:15-16). And
again, “This Gospel of the kingdom shall
be preached throughout the whole world
as a witness to all nations; and then
the end of the world shall come”
(Matthew 24:14).
Likewise
the Lord foretells through the prophet,
“And it shall come to pass in the last
days (says the Lord) that I will pour
out my spirit upon all flesh, and your
sons and daughters shall prophesy, and
your young men shall see visions and
your old men shall dream dreams; yes,
and on my menservants and my
maidservants in those days I will pour
out my Spirit and they shall prophesy”
(Joel 2:28-29).
In
Hosea he says: “Those who are not my
people I will call my people, and those
not beloved I will call my beloved, and
in the very place where it was said to
them, ‘You are not my people,’ they will
be called ‘Sons of the living God’”
(Romans 9:25-26; Hosea 2:23,
1:10).
How
did it come to pass in Ireland that
those who never had a knowledge of God,
but until now always worshiped idols and
impure things, have now been made sons
of God and a people of the Lord, and
that even sons and daughters of Irish
chieftans are seen to be monks and
virgins of Christ?
Among
others, a blessed Irishwoman of noble
birth, beautiful and full-grown, whom I
had baptized, came to us and told us
that she had received a prophecy from a
divine messenger, who advised her to be
a virgin of Christ and draw near to God.
Thanks be to God, on the sixth day after
this she most laudably and eagerly chose
what all virgins of Christ do. Not that
their fathers agree with them: no, they
often suffer persecution and undeserved
reproaches from their parents; and yet
their number is ever increasing.
How
many have been reborn there so as to be
of our kind, I do not know, not to
mention widows and those who practice
continence. But those women who live in
slavery suffer the most, due to threats
and harassment. But the Lord gave his
grace to many of his handmaidens; for,
though they are forbidden to do so, they
follow him bravely.
A life-long mission to
Ireland
If I
should wish to separate myself from them
and go to Britain, how I would love to
go to my own country and my parents, and
even as far as Gaul in order to visit
the brethren there and see the face of
the saints of my Lord! God knows how
much I desired it, but I am bound by the
Spirit, who gives evidence against me if
I do this, telling me that I shall be
guilty, and I am afraid of losing the
labor which I have begun. For it was not
I but Christ the Lord who commanded me
to come here and stay with them for the
rest of my life. And if the Lord wills,
he shall shield me from every evil so
that I may not sin before him.
I do
believe I have chosen the right course.
But I do not trust myself as long as I
am in this mortal body, because the
strong one, the devil, daily strives to
turn me away from the faith and the
purity of true religion to which I have
devoted myself to the end of my life, to
Christ my Lord. The flesh which is
hostile to God also seeks to drag us
into sinful desires that lead to
spiritual death. I know that in part I
did not lead a perfect life as did the
other faithful; but I confess to my
Lord, and do not blush in his sight,
because I do not lie. From the time I
came to know him in my youth, the love
of God and the fear of him have grown in
me, and up to now, thanks to the grace
of God, I have kept the faith.
Some
may laugh and scorn at this, but I shall
not be silent, nor will I hide the signs
and wonders which the Lord has shown me
many years before they came to pass, as
he knows everything even before the
beginning of time.
I refused gifts and
payments for my service
Many
have tried to thwart my mission in
Ireland. They have spoken behind my back
saying, “Why does this fellow throw
himself into danger among enemies who
have no knowledge of God?” I don’t think
it was malice on their part, but it
simply did not appeal to them to expose
themselves to this kind of rigorous life
and danger. I was more use to it due to
my rustic upbringing. But I was not
quick to recognize the grace God had
given me, otherwise I would have
followed him earlier than I did.
You
know, as God does, how I lived among you
from my youth with sincerity and faith.
And even among the heathens I have been
honest and trustworthy. Whenever any of
you gave me gifts, including gifts left
at the altar from holy celibate women, I
returned them if at all possible, even
though this caused you some offense.
When I
baptized thousands of people, I did not
receive any favors or payment. In fact
it cost me dearly and exposed me to many
dangers for your sake. I ordained clergy
without payment as well. I did all this
by the grace of God, with love and joy
for your salvation.
When I
met with kings I gave them presents, as
customary, and I financially supported
those who traveled with me in my
ministry. On one occasion, when my
traveling band and I were robbed and put
in chains, the Lord delivered us on the
fourteenth day, and restored what we had
lost.
I do
not seek honor from others because the
Lord himself is enough for me. Although
I am most unworthy, the Lord has exalted
me beyond measure. I prefer poverty and
failure rather than a life of wealth and
pleasure. After all, Christ the Lord
himself was poor for our sakes. I fear
nothing, not even betrayal, slavery, or
murder, because of the promises of
heaven. I am in the Lord’s hands, as
Scripture says: “Cast your burden on the
Lord and he will sustain you.”
One of the least of
his servants
I
commend my soul to God who is most
faithful. For he is no respecter of
persons, since he has chosen me for this
obscure mission that I might be one of
the least of his servants. I give to God
what he has given to me, because I can
do nothing unless he has granted it to
me. I am ready to drink his chalice,
just as he has offered it to others who
have loved him.
May I
never be separated from this people whom
God has redeemed in this remote land,
and may God give me perseverance to
remain a faithful witness to him to the
end of my days.
If I
have done any good for the sake of my
God whom I love, I pray that he may
allow me the opportunity to shed my
blood for his name’s sake, even if my
body should be torn limb from limb by
dogs or savage beasts, devoured by
birds, or left unburied. On the last day
we shall rise again in the brightness of
the sun, that is, in the glory of Christ
Jesus our Redeemer, as sons of the
living God and co-heirs with Christ,
made in his image; for we shall reign
through him, with him, and for
him.
Each
day we see the sun rise at God’s
command, but its splendor will not last
for ever. Those who worship the sun will
perish. We who believe in Christ and
worship him, the true sun, will never
die. For those who do the will of Christ
will be with him forever, who reigns
with the Father Almighty and with the
Holy Spirit both now and forever. Amen.
I
testify in truthfulness and joy before
God and his holy angels that I never had
any reason, except the Gospel and its
promises, to ever return to that nation
from which I had previously escaped with
difficulty.
I pray
that those who believe in God and who read
this confession, which I, Patrick, an
unlearned sinner have written in Ireland,
may recognize that whatever I achieved or
taught that was pleasing to God, was done
so by the gift of God. This is my
confession before I die.
