It started
with my grandparents, who sought the Lord
as they fled communist Cuba and suffered
through the separation of their family.
They rebuilt their life, in a new country,
new culture, and centered their family on
Christ. They would move again and again,
always, following the lead of Christ,
always saying ‘yes’. I consider myself
very blessed to be one in a long line of
men and women who have said ‘yes’ to the
Lord.
When I made the decision to move to
Scotland, my grandparents were the ones I
was most afraid to tell. They had worked
so hard to build a life for their family,
and I was about to forsake it all for
something new, or so I felt.
When I told my grandfather, he responded
simply by saying ‘Mary Rose, all we have
ever done is move for the Lord. Why would
you think your life would be any
different?’
How could I forget, my heritage was one of
saying ‘yes’ to the Lord.
When I was younger, someone once told me
that I should focus on being present and
continuing to say ‘yes’ in my current
stage in life, not pining away for what,
or who, was in my future. This struck me,
because most of my ‘adult life’ at that
point was being lived at a crazy speed- a
fast paced job, more money than I had ever
made. I was constantly yearning after
whatever was coming next. I wanted to know
what was coming, and generally, I wanted
it now. I would anxiously say ‘yes’ to the
Lord because I was mostly interested in
whatever good thing the Lord had next for
me.
But that thought stuck with me and I felt
a conscious slowing down, a desire to
treasure my life more. But even in the
midst of that conscious/unconscious
decision, I was still relying on MY
ability to focus on the present and
treasure things and still yearned for all
the good things I was sure the Lord had
for me- I was still making it about me and
what I wanted. I wasn’t truly saying ‘yes’
to the Lord because all I was really
interested in was how my ‘yes’ would
benefit me.
Fast forward to my current stage of life.
Without a doubt, saying ‘yes’ to the Lord
in my current stage of life as wife,
mother and daughter has been the hardest.
I feel I have learned, in the last couple
of years, more of what it means to truly
say ‘yes’ to the Lord because this ‘yes’
has involved sacrifice, and a lot of it. I
have had to make some hard choices,
choices that have cost me a lot. And the
Lord has required of me not one yes, but a
multitude of never ending ‘yes-es’. The
most recent ‘yes-es’ seem to be required
at all hours of the night as well…making
for a new and rather exciting and
sanity-stealing kind of sacrifice.
But in spite of the exhaustion and of
thinking, ‘Lord, I cannot say yes again, I
cannot give up another thing…’, there has
been grace and my flailing spirit has been
met and carried by Christ himself. When I
say flailing, I mean that quite literally.
I’ve lost count of the number of moments
where I have given in to tears, shouting,
anger, frustration, anxiety, and
exhaustion and have cried out to the Lord
in desperation.
All of the expectations I had of myself as
a super wife/mom, or even a good wife/mom,
have fallen by the wayside as I’ve
realized, humbly, that none of this really
has anything to do with my abilities, but
has everything to do with my ‘yes’ to
Christ and embracing my role as his
daughter.
All
of the expectations I had of myself as
a super wife/mom or even a good
wife/mom have fallen by the wayside as
I’ve realized, humbly that none of
this really has anything to do with my
abilities, but has everything to do
with my ‘yes’ to Christ and embracing
my role as his daughter
What have I realized? That the point is
always God. Often, in the most trying
times, it’s a small voice I hear saying
‘will you still praise me now? Will you
turn now, to me? Do you trust me?’ And as
I say ‘yes’ and acknowledge, each time,
his sovereignty, love, patience, and
mercy, he has then opened my eyes to the
treasures of this stage of my life.
Each time I have had to make a difficult
choice and said yes to Christ, a treasure
has been given me. The most obvious one is
leaving my home for a life here: the cost
was extremely high, but look at the family
I have been given! I have an amazing
husband and the smiliest son in the whole
world! I’ve experienced smaller gifts as
well- It might be a sign of affection from
my son, a great conversation with my
husband or a moment of inspiration for my
work, or even occasionally a moment of
recognizing in myself some kind of growth.
But slowly, Christ has been opening my
eyes to the joy and grace and…dare I
say…fun-ness of this stage of my life.
Each
time I have had to make a difficult
choice and said yes to Christ, a
treasure has been given me... slowly
Christ has been opening my eyes to the
joy and grace and...dare I say...
fun-ness of this stage in my life.
This is been a welcome relief for me,
because as I’ve seen the Lord’s hand at
work, bearing the weight of my current
responsibilities and daily sacrifice, has
become easier and I am encouraged to
continue saying ‘yes’ to the Lord.