.
“I Came to Know and
Love Him Because He Loved Me
First”
.
By Esa Vance
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“God loves you.” I grew up hearing this all
eighteen years of my life, but I had never been
convinced that it was true. What faith I did
have I wished to preserve during my college
years so I applied to the 2017-2018 Kairos GAP
Program because of the transformation I saw in
some of my friends who had interned with Kairos.
After being accepted into the GAP Program I had
three months to begin raising ten thousand
dollars to fund my GAP year and prepare to move
to Lansing, Michigan for nine months. “That is a
crazy thing to decide” and “aren’t mission years
supposed to be in exotic places?” I would repeat
these doubts over in my head, but long before
applying there was an assurance about the GAP
Program set in my heart that would not be shaken
even though I tried.
I arrived in August 2017 after God pretty much
dragged me to Michigan. It was a new place, a
new environment, full of new people, and a list
of things I had never done before. I quickly
discovered that if I tried to do everything set
before me by myself I would fall fast and fail.
I could not do it all on my own, and not so
coincidentally the GAP Program put me in a
position where I needed to accept the hand of
God. From living in a household with the other
female interns to serving the local Lansing
community to managing youth retreats, I could
not rely solely on myself. I needed to turn to
the power of prayer daily to move the mountains
before me and through this need, I forged a
relationship with the Lord.
One day I was having a really tough go of it. I
was riding the city bus (my main mode of
transportation) surrounded by strangers that I
did not enjoy sitting next to. I was waiting on
the Lord to work in my life and in that moment
of blinding judgment and ignorance, the Father
shone through in His clarity. I was not waiting
on Him; He was waiting on me, to open my eyes
and see Jesus Christ in every person on that
bus. This was Christ’s presence: me sitting on
the bus on my way home from services called to
be an instrument of love to those around me.
I was called to a city in Michigan, not
somewhere exotic. I went to bed every night
thinking “God worked today, and I am not who I
was yesterday.” It was not a single moment that
transformed me but rather each day of those nine
months. Every time I would look to the Father to
see He was already looking at me. I experienced
the Father’s love by the presence of His Son in
my life and I was able to be Christ to others by
the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit.
Amidst these nine months of adventure, joy,
friendship, service, humility, hardship,
laughter, risk, trial, and peace, I needed the
Lord. Moreover, I came to know and love Him
because He loved me first.
“And we all, with unveiled face,
beholding the glory of the Lord, are being
transformed into the same image from one
degree of glory to another. For this comes
from the Lord who is the Spirit.”
2 Corinthians 2:18 ESV
[This
article was first published in the North
American Kairos Update Reports.]
 Esa
Vance's brief bio:
Hey, I am Esa ("ee-suh") Vance and I hail
from the cold doldrums of St. Paul,
Minnesota USA, which contrary to popular
belief, does not mean I like or tolerate
the cold so just my luck I ended up in the
most similar place to Minnesota. I am a
summer baby through and through and enjoy
many laughs with good company under the
quickly fading summer sun or just a good
book in hand with a puppy in my lap.This
GAP year has increased my capacity for
peace, joy, and hope through the people I
met and the experiences I journeyed
through. I never knew how stagnate the
life I had built for myself was until I
allowed it to be flooded with movement. So
thank you Kairos
North America GAP Program for moving
me!
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