December
2009 - Vol. 35
.
God
Alone Suffices
Excerpted
from Alfred Delp's diary entry,
December
31, 1944
This year now ending leaves behind it a rich legacy of tasks and we
must seriously consider how to tackle them. Above all else one thing is
necessary religious minded people must become more devout; their dedication
must be extended and intensified.
And that brings me to my own affairs. Have I grown in stature in the
past year? Have I increased my value to the community? How do things stand
with me?
Outwardly they have never been worse. This is the first New Year I have
ever approached without so much as a crust of bread to my name. I have
absolutely nothing I can call my own. The only gesture of goodwill I have
encountered is that the jailer has fastened my handcuffs so loosely that
I can slip my left hand out entirely. The handcuffs hang from my right
wrist so at least I am able to write. But I have to keep alert with one
ear as it were glued to the door-heaven help me if they should catch me
at work!
And undeniably I find myself in the shadow of the scaffold. Unless I
can disprove the accusations on every point I shall most certainly hang.
The chances of this happening have never really seriously occupied my thoughts
for long although naturally there have been moments of deep depression-handcuffs
after all are a symbol of candidature for execution. 1 am in the power
of the law which, in times like the present, is not a thing to be taken
lightly.
An honest examination of conscience reveals much vanity, arrogance and
self-esteem; and in the past also a certain amount of dishonesty. That
was brought home to me when they called me a liar while I was being beaten
up. They accused me of lying when they found I mentioned no names except
those I knew they knew already. I prayed hard, asking God why he permitted
me to be so brutally handled and then I saw that there was in my nature
a tendency to pretend and deceive.
On this altar much has been consumed by fire and much has been melted
and become pliable. It has been one of God's blessings, and one of the
signs of his indwelling grace, that I have been so wonderfully helped in
keeping my vows. He will, I am confident, extend his blessing to my outward
existence as soon as I am ready for the next task with which he wishes
to entrust me. From this outward activity and intensified inner light new
passion will be born to give witness for the living God, for I have truly
learned to know him in these days of trial and to feel his healing
presence. God alone suffices is literally and absolutely true. And I must
have a passionate belief in my mission to mankind, showing the way to a
fuller life and encouraging the willing capacity for it. These things I
will do wholeheartedly - in nomine Domine [in the name of the Lord].
Go
to next meditation > The
name Jesus
Return to Joy
in the Face of Death - Alfred Delp S.J., by Jeanne Kun, with excerpts
from the book, Even Unto Death: Wisdom from Modern Martyrs, edited by
Jeanne Kun, The Word Among Us Press, © 2002. All rights reserved.
Used with permission. The book can be ordered from WAU
Press.
